Having a bridentity crisis

So we changed our colour scheme, again. The aqua blue vs. teal vs. turquoise debate could not be resolved, and I hear from other brides that it is hard to match shades in that blue-green spectrum. Plus, one of my bridesmaids refuses to wear a dress that colour. So now our colours are purple and orange, or in wedding-speak: mulberry and tangelo, or sangria and persimmon. Whatever. Pinky purple and dark orange, ok?

If I seem on edge, it’s because I haven’t been sleeping very well. I am sorry to admit that with almost seven full months left to go, the wedding nightmares have begun. I have had three so far, all very similar. It’s my wedding day, I’m in the dress, surrounded by guests- but something’s wrong. Actually, a lot is wrong. I start to panic, my present brain is rushing to catch up, “How can it this be happening, I’m not ready!”

I’ve been taking a natural sleep aid, but inevitably I need to get up to pee in the middle of the night and my mind switches on, deliberating over all the tasks yet to do, and mulling over all the new changes to our plans. Not that I am unhappy with the changes, in fact, I’m ecstatic about one major change in particular that I will discuss in a moment. But there I am, at 4 am, trying to fall back asleep while decorating my venue space in my mind. Or debating if I should allow my second cousins to come after all. Or wondering if I’ll regret not having a photo booth, since we can’t afford it. (sigh)

I promised myself that I would not get too caught up in all this wedding planning, and here I am- very caught up. Just two weeks ago I was quite literally and figuratively on vacation from all this, and sleeping like a log. There must be a connection. When I try to steer my overactive mind onto other areas of my life it’s not any better, because then I realize that I have a lot else to plan, organize and stress over- above and beyond my wedding. As Charlie Brown would say, good grief!

As I mentioned earlier however, we have recently made one drastic change that has reduced a lot of stress. Yes, I proud to say we have saved ourselves over $1000 by eliminating dinner. That’s right, we’re not serving dinner. Our ceremony will now be at 7:30pm, and since our wedding is mid-week, pushing the events to later in the evening will only be easier on our guests. We can now invite more people and spend less. It’s great! Drinks and hors d’oeuvres in the ‘golden hour’ before sunset, desserts and dancing as the full moon rises.

What a relief that we no longer have ‘first-tier’ guests invited to the ceremony and dinner, and ‘second-tier’ who are invited to the evening festivities only. I don’t need to stress over my single Aunt wanting to bring a date, or forcing our guests to pay for all their own drinks. In our grandparent’s day, it was common to get married in the morning or mid-afternoon, with a simple, no-frills punch and cake reception afterwards, or maybe some finger sandwiches made by the Church’s Ladies Auxiliary. Nothing posh or expensive, and look at how long most of their marriages lasted!

Maybe I’m not having a bridentity crisis afterall. There I was, planning a wedding in a certain way because I thought that’s just how weddings are. It’s 2012, and weddings are as varied as the couples themselves! Maybe I’m just now getting closer to creating the wedding that really reflects my partner and I, that we can afford, and that we can really enjoy.

How are you counteracting stress in the wedding planning process? What non-traditional choices are you making that you are excited about?

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