Does losing a bridesmaid mean losing a friend?

Sorry for having two emotional blog posts back to back, but it’s been that kind of week. We have recently started our first DIY project and it’s coming along nicely- I will be sharing that soon.

It’s been four days since one of my closest friends told me, by text, that she was dropping out of my wedding party. While it’s often sad to ‘lose’ a bridesmaid, what is really sad in this situation was the way she chose to step down. In a few quick texts she managed to criticize my wedding, confuse me and hurt my feelings- putting a wedge in our friendship that I don’t know how to move past. I felt like a vulnerable little girl.

Ultimately, in further communication through email (that’s right, she never actually called me, even though I left her a voice mail) I have come to realize that it is HER issues with weddings and not MY choices that made her decide. Initially however, she made it out like my wedding wasn’t going to be her kind of wedding (I’m still wondering what that kind is), like it wasn’t going to be cool enough to warrant the money and time and travel she would have to put out to be involved.

She even brought up my ex, comparing the ‘new’ me to the ‘old’ me, and wondered aloud why we weren’t having an alternative ceremony, since traditional weddings are for straight people only, I guess. She hadn’t bothered to return my phone calls for the past month, respond to my emails to connect over chat, nor visit our wedding website or she would have known that we are, in fact, planning a Celtic ceremony that will likely involve a handfasting. But why would that matter to a good friend anyway?

I never asked her to do any special duties other than coming down a few days early for my stagette party, and attend the wedding in whatever style dress she wanted, in our chosen colour. I even offered to pay for half her travel expenses. It’s not like I wanted them in ugly dresses like these!

Needless to say, I’m still hurt by her words and actions, and it’s left me feeling insecure about the wedding plans, and doubtful about our friendship. I hope that soon enough I will get over this and planning will be fun again. It is hard not to have an edge of defensiveness after being attacked like this, like “I’ll show you how cool my wedding will be!”

My fiancee and I are not even sure we want her to attend as a guest now. It is easier to forgive than to forget. After showing how thoughtless and judgmental she can be, why would I want her there? I don’t want to feel insecure at my own wedding!

How would you feel if something like this happened to you? If it has, how have you handled it?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. westcoastbridetobe
    Aug 10, 2012 @ 13:50:27

    The saga continued, with her never even responding to my wedding invitation, by text, Facebook, email, or phone call. When I’d finally had enough of waiting and feeling hurt and sent her a message, she responded with “sorry I’ve been preoccupied, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. you shouldn’t take things so personally.”

    wow. it went on, but the details on her insensitivity are boring, really. Needless to say, I don’t feel like she’s a friend anymore.


  2. Katie
    Apr 23, 2012 @ 14:28:42

    This happened to me also, except it was my maid of honor that backed out. She didn’t actually back out, though, she just avoided me until I was forced to ask her if I needed to find a new maid of honor. To which she replied, yeah I think that would be best. I never found out why she bailed on me, her previous excuses of not having money to buy her dress or go out for the bachelorette party were overshadowed by her participation in another friend’s wedding planning and bridal party, which was planned for 2 months after mine. I still invited her and that group of friends to my wedding. Unfortunately the only reason they came was for the free food and drinks, and to compare my wedding to the other friends’. I never spoke to any of them again…..I hope maybe your situation will work out better. Although, when someone acts like that, you may not want them as a friend anyway.


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