Why Marriage?

Today marks the one-year anniversary of our engagement. She didn’t wine and dine me and get down on bended knee to ask for my hand in marriage. No, it was a sunny Saturday morning that we were lucky enough to be spending together with a wide open summer day ahead of us. She made pancakes with fruit, and then asked if she could sing me something that she had been working on.

I was excited to finally hear some of the results of her recent guitar lessons, and completely taken by surprise when she asked me to marry her, in song. I said yes, of course, and we both cried, hugged, and laughed. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

photo by belle ancell

In 5 weeks I will marry my best friend, my lover, and partner for life. I’d like to share this poem that so perfectly expresses my feelings on why I have chosen to get married.

Why Marriage?

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person, with all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body.
Because I want a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
who won’t hold them against me, who loves me when I’m unlikable,
who sees the small child in me, and looks for the Divine potential of me …
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night with someone who is thankful,
with someone I feel blessed to hold …
Because marriage means opportunity to grow in love, in friendship …
Because, knowing this, I promise myself to take full responsibility
for my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness …
As I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
As together we create our marriage …
Because with this understanding, the possibilities are limitless …

-Mari Nichols

A year ago I said yes, and in 37 days I’ll say I do. Thank you, my love, for waiting for me when I was unavailable, for your unconditional love, and for believing I am worthy to be your wife.


In the beginning

Our proposal story:

We always love it when we can sleep in on the weekend, make a nice breakfast and relax. This particular Saturday in June happened just like that, with my girlfriend making delicious pancakes, and us having the time to enjoy the sunny morning.

Around 10:30 or 11am, she asked if she could play me a song on the guitar that she’d been working on. I knew she had been taking lessons again, and I was very proud of her for learning the instrument. She was clearly very nervous, but I thought it was because she had never really sung a song for me!

I listened attentively as she timidly started to strum and sing. After the first verse, I politely asked her to sing louder, since I wanted to hear the words. I didn’t recognize the song, but it was clearly all about love. (she’s a die-hard romantic, so I wasn’t surprised)

Half-way through the song it started to dawn on me that this song was speaking about strong commitments, and at the end when she sang out my full name and asked “will you marry me?” I was already crying. I had hoped she would propose at some point (we had been hinting at it for a few months) but she had completely taken me by surprise.

Through my laughter and tears I of course said yes! Being a brat, I made her get on one knee and ask me again. I wanted to experience that little tradition! She had already given me a custom-designed silver “promise” ring last summer, so on this day she gave me a lovely silver necklace. The whole proposal was perfect- so beautiful and personal and a day we will never forget!

We are getting married this August on a big ferry-boat that’s been renovated into a banquet space, that is permanently docked in the waters of the Burrard Inlet, North Vancouver, BC. It will be an enchanted summer evening, with lots of whimsical and DIY touches. Our big, beautiful, Pagan, lesbian wedding!